The Communication Edge

The art of saying 'No' Read on my website | Read time: 2.5 minutes Last week, a client told me something that stopped me in my tracks. "I'm afraid if I set a boundary, I'll lose the relationship." But here's a radical truth most people miss: Your boundaries don't push people away. They pull the right people closer. The Hidden Anatomy of a Boundary Most people see boundaries as walls. Rigid. Defensive. Separating. But boundaries are actually invitations. They're a sophisticated language of...

The Communication Edge by F R E D V A N R I P E R The cost of keeping the peace read on SEATATTHETABLECOACHING.COM | March 23, 2025 I’m usually someone who values harmony. Keeping the peace, avoiding unnecessary conflict—it feels like the right thing to do. But I’ve learned the hard way that avoiding conflict doesn’t actually create peace. It just builds resentment in silence. Real partnerships—whether in business, marriage, or friendships—don’t thrive on mutual avoidance. They thrive on...

The Communication Edge by F R E D V A N R I P E R 'I'm sorry' isn't enough read on SEATATTHETABLECOACHING.COM | March 16, 2025 A few years ago, I caught myself in a cycle I didn’t even realize I was stuck in. My wife and I had the same argument every few weeks. Different details, same pattern. I’d say something that upset her.She’d call it out.I’d get defensive, then backtrack.And then—like clockwork—I’d say: "I’m sorry, okay?" And I meant it. At least, I thought I did. But the next time we...

The Communication Edge by F R E D V A N R I P E R The hidden conversations you're having read on SEATATTHETABLECOACHING.COM | March 9, 2025 You think you're not communicating about domestic life? I promise you—you are. The question isn't if you're communicating. It's how. Eve Rodsky puts it bluntly: "The problem with invisible labor is it's invisible." Same goes for communication. You don't have to say anything for your partner to get the message. Every sigh, every eye roll, every moment of...

The Communication Edge by F R E D V A N R I P E R 'Just be more vulnerable' isn't enough read on SEATATTHETABLECOACHING.COM | March 2, 2025 I had a conversation with a client last week that changed how I think about vulnerability in relationships. He told me he was “doing everything right.” He was opening up more, sharing his feelings, and trying to be emotionally available. But instead of bringing him and his wife closer, things felt… off. She wasn’t responding the way he expected. Instead...

The Communication Edge by F R E D V A N R I P E R Stop hoping to be understood read on SEATATTHETABLECOACHING.COM | February 23, 2025 A while back, I noticed something about the world’s most influential leaders, negotiators, and communicators. They don’t just speak well. They set the stage before the conversation even starts. Most people go into conversations hoping to be understood. They assume if they explain themselves clearly, people will naturally get it. But the best communicators don’t...

The Communication Edge by F R E D V A N R I P E R Why "Just be yourself" is dangerous advice read on SEATATTHETABLECOACHING.COM | February 16, 2025 You’ve heard it a million times: “Just be yourself.” It sounds empowering. It feels authentic. But in reality? It’s some of the worst advice you can follow. Most people hear this advice and take it as permission to stay the same. To avoid discomfort. To double down on behaviors that might be holding them back. But growth doesn’t happen by standing...

The Communication Edge by F R E D V A N R I P E R The success hack you'll actually ignore read on SEATATTHETABLECOACHING.COM | February 9, 2025 “What’s the secret to finally getting my wife to listen to me?” A client asked me this recently during a 1:1 coaching call. I paused, knowing my answer wouldn’t be the one he wanted to hear. Because the truth is, there’s no secret at all. The couples who communicate well—the ones who feel like they’re truly heard and understood—aren’t doing anything...

The Communication Edge by F R E D V A N R I P E R Why most communication advice fails read on SEATATTHETABLECOACHING.COM | January 26, 2025 We’re drowning in communication advice these days. “Use ‘I’ statements.”“Mirror your partner’s feelings.”“Just be a better listener.” Sound familiar? On the surface, this advice seems harmless—even helpful. But let’s be honest. How often has “just listen better” stopped an argument? Or “I feel” magically fixed a marriage teetering on resentment? Here’s...