The invisible contract men keep signing Read on my website | Read time: 3 minutes We’re all living under a contract we never actually signed. At some point—maybe when we were young, maybe without even knowing it—we agreed to a silent set of terms: “I’ll hold it all together. I won’t complain. And eventually, someone will notice how much I’ve done.” But here’s the thing: It’s not working. Because no one can appreciate what they don’t see. No one asked you to white-knuckle your way through. And...
13 days ago • 3 min read
This is why you’re exhausted (and it's not just work) Read on my website | Read time: 2.5 minutes A few nights ago, I caught myself doing something ridiculous. I was lying in bed, running through tomorrow’s checklist like I was preparing for a combat mission: Work deadlines. School drop-offs. Groceries. The kid’s science project. That thing my wife asked me to follow up on but I hadn’t touched yet. Then I caught myself. I was “pre-solving” problems that didn’t even exist. My nervous system...
20 days ago • 3 min read
The art of saying 'No' Read on my website | Read time: 2.5 minutes Last week, a client told me something that stopped me in my tracks. "I'm afraid if I set a boundary, I'll lose the relationship." But here's a radical truth most people miss: Your boundaries don't push people away. They pull the right people closer. The Hidden Anatomy of a Boundary Most people see boundaries as walls. Rigid. Defensive. Separating. But boundaries are actually invitations. They're a sophisticated language of...
27 days ago • 2 min read
The Communication Edge by F R E D V A N R I P E R The cost of keeping the peace read on SEATATTHETABLECOACHING.COM | March 23, 2025 I’m usually someone who values harmony. Keeping the peace, avoiding unnecessary conflict—it feels like the right thing to do. But I’ve learned the hard way that avoiding conflict doesn’t actually create peace. It just builds resentment in silence. Real partnerships—whether in business, marriage, or friendships—don’t thrive on mutual avoidance. They thrive on...
about 1 month ago • 2 min read
The Communication Edge by F R E D V A N R I P E R 'I'm sorry' isn't enough read on SEATATTHETABLECOACHING.COM | March 16, 2025 A few years ago, I caught myself in a cycle I didn’t even realize I was stuck in. My wife and I had the same argument every few weeks. Different details, same pattern. I’d say something that upset her.She’d call it out.I’d get defensive, then backtrack.And then—like clockwork—I’d say: "I’m sorry, okay?" And I meant it. At least, I thought I did. But the next time we...
about 1 month ago • 3 min read
The Communication Edge by F R E D V A N R I P E R The hidden conversations you're having read on SEATATTHETABLECOACHING.COM | March 9, 2025 You think you're not communicating about domestic life? I promise you—you are. The question isn't if you're communicating. It's how. Eve Rodsky puts it bluntly: "The problem with invisible labor is it's invisible." Same goes for communication. You don't have to say anything for your partner to get the message. Every sigh, every eye roll, every moment of...
about 2 months ago • 1 min read
The Communication Edge by F R E D V A N R I P E R 'Just be more vulnerable' isn't enough read on SEATATTHETABLECOACHING.COM | March 2, 2025 I had a conversation with a client last week that changed how I think about vulnerability in relationships. He told me he was “doing everything right.” He was opening up more, sharing his feelings, and trying to be emotionally available. But instead of bringing him and his wife closer, things felt… off. She wasn’t responding the way he expected. Instead...
about 2 months ago • 3 min read
The Communication Edge by F R E D V A N R I P E R Stop hoping to be understood read on SEATATTHETABLECOACHING.COM | February 23, 2025 A while back, I noticed something about the world’s most influential leaders, negotiators, and communicators. They don’t just speak well. They set the stage before the conversation even starts. Most people go into conversations hoping to be understood. They assume if they explain themselves clearly, people will naturally get it. But the best communicators don’t...
2 months ago • 4 min read
The Communication Edge by F R E D V A N R I P E R Why "Just be yourself" is dangerous advice read on SEATATTHETABLECOACHING.COM | February 16, 2025 You’ve heard it a million times: “Just be yourself.” It sounds empowering. It feels authentic. But in reality? It’s some of the worst advice you can follow. Most people hear this advice and take it as permission to stay the same. To avoid discomfort. To double down on behaviors that might be holding them back. But growth doesn’t happen by standing...
2 months ago • 3 min read